I recently hit a major mile marker on my Adventure and went to the Brandywine Festival in the United States. It was difficult but fun. I made friends, tried new things and faced some issues of boundaries.

I posted this on their Discord: “I am actually not a social person. This was, for those who didn’t hear my shpeel several times already, a therapy homework assignment. I also have been working festivals for 20+ years. I really did not know what to do with myself nor how to engage in participation. It was also a little harder for me as (and this does NOT mean I didn’t feel safe, I did) I didn’t feel Belenos could safely be next to me in participating as there were a lot of people interested in the same things I was. But, I also didn’t try, and that is on ME. I have a hard time reading social cues as I have been trained to doubt everyone’s intentions. Watching how people interacted (In-Game and Out-of-Game) and coming to realize how genuine and sincere individuals were was an unusual feeling. Some of y’all REALLY are that kind. In my reality that is weeeiiird.”

In a private response, someone told me “In a way, you were like Old Bilbo when he set off on his adventure. That man was far from social, and he put himself out there and had an “experience” just like you did!” Uuuuuhhhhhhh……2×4 much??!!!!

Bilbo, at the start of The Hobbit, is also reluctant, uncomfortable, and out of step with the social world around him; he’s a comfort-seeking hobbit being nudged out of his habits by adventure. His arc is about awakening, courage, and enlarging himself through experience. We both are: uncomfortable with social engagement, hesitant about participation, have a sense of being out of place, and experience growth through contact with others.

Perhaps I need to find a company of dwarves with a contract to tempt me out of my smial, or my Hobbitage rather. As long as I can sleep in until after 8 am, be in bed by 9 pm, is dog friendly, and has plenty of snacks?